Return of the Ex

The idea with Facebook or Myspace is so we'll reconnect with present and past friends. As usual, my criteria for friends request and acceptance bear no consistency. I've added those I was never close with, but with the desire that through the add, there'll be a concerted effort from both ends to start the friendship that was barely there. Then, there are those I refuse to add and likewise for them, have no inclination to ever reconnect.

And there's always that one past that will return to find you. The Ex.

I've only had 2 "real" boyfriends my whole life. Him and my husband. There're the frivolous dates, but I don't consider them monumental individuals. Yes, every one of them has helped shaped my perspectives and matured me slightly.

So yesterday an email popped up in the inbox asking if I was the person he thought I was. I was stunned he contacted me, but I wasn't shocked that he would find me. Afterall, we all came up with almost every name we could remember from our past when we joined Facebook, just to see where the heck they are, and what they look like now. Disclosure: I did a search on him as well. HOWEVER, I NEVER thought for a second to send him a message. Hence, his check mate move.

In fact, about 10 years ago, he called me at work in Kansas. At that moment, I was caught unprepared and felt stalked. I lashed out at him for tracking me down. And I remembered this. He got the defensive (why wouldn't he) and told me not to flatter myself, that he is happily married to some Israeli woman. Well, good, I said, I'm glad. And that was it.

So when he tracked me down again a day ago, I had about 10 years of maturity since and having talked to the husband about our pasts, I was wiser to handle the situation this time.

I responded immediately and acknowledged it was I, and proceeded to ask how he and the family, which includes his, his mom, and sisters are. That's it.

What I would get out of it, was a laundry list of what he had been doing the last 10 years.

I'm glad I didn't respond in kind. In fact, I'm playing the waiting game. I needed the time to evaluate what an immediate response is going to do to his fragile psyche.

I relayed the incident to a colleague today. And as always, she ties her thoughts up in a neat little package. She agrees that a needy personality like his is going to leap if I am quick in my correspondence, and opens up an unintended invitation back into my life. And she said there's a fine line between civility and friendship, and I don't have to offer him friendship if I don't wish to. But there's certainly no need for cold shoulders.

So I don't feel bad. I should be polite and kind, but I don't need to offer or accept his friend request.

Why rush into marriage?

I don't get it. Someone I know at work had been dating for less than a year before he packed up and moved to Chicago cuz his girlfriend wanted to move back to be with family, moved into an apartment together, and now, just a few months more than a year, are engaged and planning an October wedding.

She appears to be the alpha in the relationship and he the puppy dog. Sweet guy, nice girl. But I foresee trouble.

So when I was stopped in the hall for this "good news", the only thing I can force myself to say is "Congrats and marriage is great!"

Who the hell am I to bust his bubble, right?

UPDATE!!! aarrrghhhhh, now he's sent people at work pictures of the ring and them kissing! What????????

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Channing: Exactly, when it comes to love no one wants to hear that they are making a mistake.

Me: So true, Hef. Lord knows I opened my honest mouth once too many times in the past. Grrrrr.

Christina: You did the right thing, to bite your tongue and just give the congratulations. Trust me, I have a lifelong friend who is about to make the biggest mistake of his life. I tried to talk to him about it and it was like talking to a cement wall. I've just decided it's futile to try to tell people what to do. But in this scenario you describe I too foresee trouble!

Bob: We learn from our mistakes.

Jeremy: Love is intoxicating and it sounds like there might be some co-dependency issues there--just sayin. You did the right thing Ling -- he'll have to learn for himself, the hard way. All you can do is send good vibes/pray/think good thoughts for him.

Patrick: I find that in instances like this, the best course of action is to ask questions that'll make the person really think twice about what they're doing. If you play dumb, you can't be accused of meddling, right?

Me: Hmmm, what would you ask?

Patrick: You know, stuff like "Why do you think things clicked so fast?"

Be Responsible

Good news since I so seldom start with those: I got a renter! Yay! And it's an MCG student with her husband. Only 1 week of empty space and the house is going to be occupied next week. Couldn't ask for better since we are hit with a heavy rent in Illinois, we couldn't afford to have 2 "house payments."

I'm soooo glad to be rid of my previous renters. Let's hope the new ones will be better. Without going into much detail, it's enough to say being a landlord is not easy. Those of you who know M and me, know that I'm usually the nitpicking one, and M is willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, to a fault.

Anyway, we have rented in multiple places and always treat the place with respect and care. Can't say the same with our previous renters. It's costing us more to have them around. So I am beseeching those of you who are renting, please, please, please:

1. Pay your rent on time
2. Admit your tardiness and pay the late fees accordingly
3. Take care of damage you caused right away
4. Keep a perpetually clean house so that you don't have much to clean on your last harried days
5. Water the yard
6. Do it when you say you would
7. Respect the house
8. Bathe your pets. Pet stink are disgusting and attract fleas, etc
9. Answer your phone or e-mail

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christina: I so agree with you on this one! I was proud to have been told by my previous landlords at the beach that I was an EXCELLENT renter. even if Snow did claw up the furniture a few times. I should copy your guidelines, tweak them for the "temporary" condo renters and send them out!

Me: Of course there will be mishaps other than regular wear and tear. As long as the renters are responsible towards it, I have no qualms. I like to think we are fair. We even paid for Merry Maids to get the house ready for the new renters cuz we have word that our old renters left the place not clean (to our standards) and smelling like wet-dog high heaven, and with fleas nonetheless.

Sadly, I'm no sage

I thought I'd kill plenty of birds with one stone by sharing that one year older does not translate to one year wiser for me.

It's difficult to have a good birthday, even on a weekend, if a pessimistic person like me is surrounded by family and friends, consisting of an ADD child, a constantly ailing and repetitive family member-in-law, and headaches of an empty house in Georgia reeking of wet dog.

So, that, in a nutshell is how my birthday went.

I really shouldn't be making a big deal out of a birthay, and more so, shouldn't let others affect my perspective of how a special day should be celebrated. I suppose if I were to employ psychology to why my expectations of this day is high at all, it would harken to my childhood when my mom would make a fuss of helping me plan a small party, to which my good friends would be invited, and mom would make me a fab cake, and I was loaded with tons of presents from all.

But being 36 now, I should be wiser. I really don't seek gifts. I have enough crap given to me and I can't wait to bring my house to the Minimalist standard(OK, not that drastic, but you know what I mean).

I just don't want to spend my days taking care of others. Instead, I want someone tend to MY needs for JUST ONE DAY. Alas, that was not to be. The husband did promise to make it up to me next week in Vegas. I already guessed the gift he was getting me and I can't change his mind not to do it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christina: I can identify with your entire post. I guess the only thing worse than what you experienced on a birthday is what happened on mine...my two oldest friends who I have known since high school BOTH forgot. But I'm sorry yours wasn't good. Birthdays can be difficult. I also can identify with the my needs problem. It seems to me I've spent about the past three weeks worrying about pleasing everybody else and not one person has asked if there's anything I personally need or would enjoy. Oh well...I hope you feel better! And I'm sorry I didn't know it was your birthday. I suck.

A new perspective on an old subject

I spent about 2 hours at the VW dealership today getting my car's 70k mile oil change and am one of 2 passing time in the waiting room.

Normally, I would have my reading material with me. But, in my haste, I forgot.

I typically don't strike up conversation with stranger but this lady around late 30s to early 40s started to ask me what car I drive.

When we found out we both drove the same make, model and year car, we naturally launched into an easy conversation.

What I found out about her in the 2 hours was quite revealing. She told me she used to be a boat salesperson until an accident in downtown Chicago almost killed her. She was actually in a coma for days and had brain trauma from the direct impact of the truck. She was thrown into the air and landed on her head. Because of her near-death experience and lasting injury (brain damage), she cannot resume her job, and worse yet, cannot learn new skills. And the infuriating part is that the driver does not own the truck and he does not have insurance. Which means, she is left to handle the million-dollar surgery bills. Talk about a strain on a family's finances.

Of course, all this is really sobering to me, who constantly complains about not having enough money to buy this, do that. There are always others worse off, maybe not financially constantly, but in other aspects of life. Then there are always others who are way better off. I suppose this chance meeting with her will be a constant reminder to me to quit looking at the negative slide of my life, and focus on making life more productive, and gripe-free.

The Value of a Symbol

A few days ago, I discovered my wedding band and ring were missing from my finger. I had never placed the importance of monetary value on this symbol of marriage when we purchased and chose them. But it always feels comforting to see the diamonds throw their sparkle when the light catches them.

With them absent from my finger, I suddenly realize the relative lightness on my hand and most of all, the emptiness in my heart.

These rings come to represent the iconic status of being a wife, a bride, to my beloved. While the physical aspect of it can be replaced, the brief (almost 3 years) history of it can't buy a new set. Am I succumbing to the diamond marketing industry of "a diamond is forever"? I should hope not.

I realized, too, that the anger I felt toward myself was due to the apparent carelessness and thoughtlessness I have towards them. I may have taken them off to wash the dishes, or my hair, or to prevent the bands from being scuffed during the laborious unpacking of boxes. But why didn't I show more care as to where I put them?

After a day of searching and backtracking, I had to let go. While M was convinced they were somewhere in the house and that they'll show up at some point, I was exhausted by my action.

The next day, refreshed by a night's sleep, I woke up to begin a new round of tearing the place down ... right after I have that cup of coffee. And there they were,two little circles sitting on the kitchen counter next to the sink. How they turned up, I've no idea.

I've come to yet another hard-learned lesson of being aware of my actions, my mind, and my environment. A little less rushing through life will be a good start.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christina: This is such a good blog...so full of meaning and so true! I have done this several times with the rose gold ring I wear on my right hand which was my Scottish great-grandmother's wedding ring. I feel exactly like you did when this ring is off my hand and I always kick myself when I realize how careless I can be with this real tangible symbol of my family and ancestors! Your sentiments about what your ring means to you were also beautiful. I'm glad you found it again!

Me: I don't think I ever told you how I remembered you thumbing your rings. Now I do the same thing. On a similar vein, I lost a gold bracelet my mom gave me when I was in college. And I still feel guilty about it.

Patrick: I hear ya! I hate it when I misplace my wedding ri...Oh wait, that's right. No one loves me like they love you! Cool story. Hold onto those sentiments.

Adios, Tejas

The last month in Lubbock has been nothing short of dramas. I was asked to terminate my resignation earlier that usual. I had a house on a property that appeals to select groups of buyers. I had driven my car into deep flood water. I had ample free time. Now these are memories as I look forward to closing on my house tomorrow and hitting the road toward Chicago.

The house sale has been interesting. I put up on my sign about 2 months ago. The first day I was pounding that sign into the rocky ground in my driveway, my eccentric artist-neighbor drove by and expressed his interest. Following that, I had a stream of tirekickers and interested parties. It was only about 3 weeks later that my neighbor started to panic (I think) that he invited me to a cookout at his house and hastily in the phone invitation, tells me he's really interested and could we have a deal. Just like that. 3 weeks later, we are closing. Tomorrow, at 8:30. Wow. It turned out to be a win-win deal. That's all M and I ever wanted. Glad that's gonna to be behind me. I cannot imagine many people having that kind of good fortune of selling a house in an interesting property that quickly and getting a cash deal out of it.

What am I taking away from Lubbock?

Most certainly, my other wonderful neighbors who had taken on the role of the surrogate parents after M left for Chicago about 4 months ago. They were there to chauffeur me around when my car was waiting for parts for a week. They were my solace when I thought I was going to be paying a fortune for my car repair.They introduced me to the lake community through church, town hall meetings and pot lucks. They were my petsitters, forging a beloved bond with my endearing dog, and independent cat. They were my real estate advisor. And most recently, my home away from home after the movers hauled everything away.

I'm also leaving behind a few good friends. Some of whom I didn't have the initiative to get to know when M was around.

I don't think I had utilized my two years here to really know the land and its people for their virtues. Most people I came across (at work, mainly) left as bitter a taste in my mind as the blowing dust storms. But for the many sorry folks I came across, I must be grateful for the few good ones that make up for the disparity.

I'm truly sad to leave our third and last home -- the house overlooking the lake and caprock at Buffalo Springs. I didn't entertain as much as I wanted to. And I didn't get to pass the nights and weekends at it with M as much as we wanted to, either.

As I leave that behind me, I look forward to my new base in Chicago. And definitely that new beginning, when I get the chance to reevaluate on how my life would be lived.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As we sprang forward an hour last Sunday, I got to wondering about falling back in time.

I'm reading the book What Should I Do with My Life? by Po Bronson who recently wrote a fascinating story in New York magazine on the ill aftermath of praise for children and I got to wondering the age-old question: if you could do it all over again, what direction would you have taken?

I know many of you are probably thinking and saying you wouldn't do it any differently? True, there are some aspects of my life that would not unfold had I not chosen the path I did. But if you really have the option to make different decisions (like academia decision which springs to mind, cuz a lot of where and what we are were defined by our educational choices), what would you do instead. I foresee already my (ex)reporter-friends not changing their decision, but let's not stop at academia. Would you have moved to where you are? Would you have invested in what you did? Would you have forgiven? Would you have been more religious?

As for me, I definitely would have sought out professionals in other fields and really take time to understand what they do, and what I needed in my coursework to work towards that. I blame my lack of foresight at age 20, I regret the lack of direction from friends, family, professors, guidance counselors, school. Growing up in Singapore, all we were introduced to in terms of profession were law or medicine. You may find it strange that engineering, pharmacy, IT were nonexistent subjects to me. Meaning, I honestly had no idea such courses were available! Can you believe my ignorance?!

To date, I have a vague idea of what I want to do. Probably interior design, structural architecture (or civil engineering), cooking/restaurant management, fashion design ....

I probably still would not forgive my dad, but I would speak to him and provided him a means of contact.

I would not have pursued my career goals (I've achieved them, so what?), and instead focused on establishing a family.

I probably should have chosen Australia for my overseas studies so that I could be closer to my family more often.

I should have concentrated on moving to the West Coast so my family and I could visit more frequently.

It probably is not too late to pursue some of these realizations. Now, all I can do is to make wiser decisions in life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeremy: I probably would have never gotten into debt with someone with whom I knew would never help me out financially.

I probably would have branched out and taken more public relations and design/pagination courses, not to mention IT/comp sci/Web design courses.

I probably would have studied abroad in Germany during my lower-level undergraduate years with UGA's foreign languages department, then in Toronto or Guadalajara with the Grady College of Journalism in the upper division years.

But, in all, I have to say that I have learned a lot from my life experiences, and I think those experiences have made me a more mature, independent, better person.

I still would have avoided coming home to Macon while I was in college. I still probably would have dated the same said emotionally abusive person with whom I got into debt (I just wouldn't have gotten financially entangled). And I still would have come to Augusta, where I met some of the greatest friends a person could have and learned that when push comes to shove, I can do many things under fire.

Patrick: That book sounds like something I should probably get my hands on, because I can't even begin to count the number of nights I've laid awake at night, unable to sleep because all I can think about is all the things that haven't gone according to plan. Jobs, friends, relationships, money, you name it, I can cite something wrong with my life. In fact, right now the only things that I'm optimistic about are my immediate family and my health.

That said, I wouldn't change a thing. If I applied myself more in high school, paid closer attention to how my relationship with my girlfriend was crumbling in 2001, or thought harder and longer about whether moving to the South was a wise idea, things may have very well turned out better. But then again, if I did that, I'd be someone else, not me.

I think it's admirable to look back at past choices with clear-headed realism, because that maxim about those who do not learn from their mistakes is a wise one. But don't beat yourself up too much though. We learn more from mistakes than from successes.

Me: Thanks to all who responded publicly and privately. I'm pleasantly surprised this topic has touched the core of many of you. And you have all given me much optimism and hope for the choices I had made and will be making. Pat, I'm only on the 3rd chapter of the book but the stories have resonated deeply. It's worth picking up at the local library (considering the financial rut most of us are in).

Hail the PIG

After waiting 12 years, in exactly 9 days, it'll be Chinese New Year. But more importantly, it's my year. The Year of the Pig/Boar.

For those who don't know me well, or who think they know me, read the following. For the most part, it's pretty right on. (It's quite long, so be prepared to invest some time)

PIG
1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007

Pigs are models of sincerity, purity, tolerance, and honor. When you first meet them, Pigs seem too good to be true. They are careful and caring, obliging and chivalrous. Put your trust in him, he won't let you down and he will never try to. The Pigs simply want to do everything right. Pigs are the people everyone admires most. Make a list of the Pigs in your life: aren't they the nicest, most loving and scrupulously caring people around? Pigs are born to give, to yield and to serve. Frankly speaking, most people take advantage of this Pig nature. Also, not only are Pigs easy to fool, they like it that way too. No matter how old they get, Pig people still only see and believe that all men/women are basically good. Pig people constantly sacrifice their own happiness and comfort for the sake of somebody else. The Pig is a splendid companion. If you have a lifetime Pig friend, don't think that your worries are over. Pigs are loyal, faithful and giving - only as long as they approve of you. In order to keep your lifetime Piggy friend, remember, never try to force your opinions on a Pig - A Pig rarely asks for help and cannot graciously accept it. The Pig doesn't say much - but when he does decide to speak, suddenly, nothing can stop him until he runs out of subjects. Like the Monkey, the Pig is intellectual - a character with a great thirst for knowledge. Some people claim that Pigs are snobbish. Manners, breeding and good taste are of enormous importance to them. In fact, pigs are aesthetic. Pigs are born with an excellent nose for style in everything. Food is another of Piggy's little sins. Pigs adore food, and after-dinner chocolates. The Pig often over-eats, but he eats with good taste. In relationship, Pig people are sensitive, sweet but naive, and caring. They are romantic and certainly are the marriage-type. But on the other hand, Pigs are also possessive, jealous and exclusive.

---

..> ..> ..>..>

When encountering the Pig, we sense his or her quiet sincerity and purity. The Pig is so honest that he feels guilty for the slightest error, and he is more indulgent and forgiving of others than he is of himself. He is without artifice or pretense, and dislikes forcing himself on others or being the center of attention. Chivalrous, gallant, obliging, scrupulous to a fault, the Pig is naive, innocent, confident, and defenseless. He allows himself to be duped easily, accepts his own faults calmly, and those of others with tolerant understanding. He is incredibly sincere, almost to the point of doing himself harm, and always disarmed by the bad faith of others. He lies rarely, and then only to defend himself. Powerless against hypocrisy, he will often crucify himself in an attempt to justify his actions. He is an absolutely straight dealer and it's very rarely that he will accept a compromise. Ironically, though the Pig believes without question whatever anyone tells him, he is always finding it necessary to produce proof of what he himself asserts! People born in the Year of the Pig have a taste for la dolce vita. Possessing a strong sense of luxury, they can be extravagant and take great pleasure in pampering themselves and their loved ones; they delight in the stimulation of the senses. However, when they need to work they will get right to it. At these times a half-hearted attitude just won't do; where they're concerned, it's all or nothing. The Pig is a splendid companion, so much fun, and game for a risque evening. He doesn't say much, but when he does decide to speak, suddenly the barriers are down and nothing can stop him until the subject's exhausted. Like the Monkey, the Pig is intellectual, a character with a great thirst for knowledge. He reads a lot, but reads anything that happens to be around. Although he appears to be well read, the Pig's knowledge is only superficial. Referring to this, a Japanese proverb says that the Pig is "wide of face but narrow in the back." The Pig is sensitive, caring, and indulgent. Not only intelligent and cultured, the Pig also has a streak of bawdiness and earthiness. Their various indulgences can verge on gluttony. Unlike the conniving Machiavellian pigs of Animal Farm, Chinese Pigs tend to be helpless and insecure. During fat spells they suddenly lose all and are unable to defend themselves, much less attack others. Pigs in general are lucky but lazy. Pigs can be very practical, logical and down to earth. They may at times be considered somewhat cool and reserved because, blessed as they are with composure and self-control, they don't usually allow emotion to cloud the issue. They are cheerful and love company and social life. They find it very easy to make friends and also seem to hang on to them for life. For them the Pig is capable of the greatest sacrifices. He is extremely considerate of the chosen few who do merit his affection. The women of this sign like nothing better than to make presents for people and organize parties; they are marvelous hostesses. Whatever his ambitions may be, whatever the tasks and goals he has set himself, the Pig will do his duty with all the strength he is capable of, and that same strength can be an inner force to be reckoned with, a force that nothing can oppose. Once a Pig has come to a decision, nothing can stop him from carrying it out. But before he arrives at it, he spends ages weighing the pros and cons, which sometimes gives the impression that he is indecisive. Nothing could be further from the truth, but to make sure he is avoiding any possible complications, he will sometimes ponder for so long that he destroys his own case. Untiring workers, Pigs will succeed in their careers, especially if they are their own boss. Because they like to accumulate ancient objects and fine pictures, they might become art dealers, specializing in antiquities. Their aim is to live in relative affluence, both for themselves and their families, and to enjoy the pleasures of life. Materially, the Pig will always have all the necessities of life, regardless of his chosen career. Work and money in sufficient quantities seems to gravitate his way without his having to make any particular effort. People will help him all his life, and thanks to this help he will be able, if he wishes, to reach the highest heights in the financial world. Popular superstition in the East says that people help him thus just to fatten him up so he will make a better meal over the New Year. Because of this, the Pig may be overwary and trust nobody. If the Pig's birthdate is a long time before the traditional feasts, he will escape a lot of the disappointments in store for him. However, the closer it is to the Asiatic New Year, the more he will be betrayed, ridiculed, duped, and perhaps in the long run, eaten! Though generally tolerant and fairly placid people, when absolutely backed into a corner, Pigs can turn vicious. When they find that their friendship and good nature have been seriously abused, they will give no quarter and that friendship will somewhat unceremoniously be cut short. Perhaps they can be accused of exhibitionism, of being flirtatious and even licentious at times, but there is no doubt that Pigs in general are very good sorts -- honest, decent, generous, supportive, loyal to their friends, and thoroughly trustworthy. The first phase of the Pig's life will be relatively calm. During the second, every conceivable conjugal problem will be visited upon him. But whatever his troubles, the Pig, discreet and shy, will never ask anybody else for help; he'll try to get out of the mess by himself. His reticence in this respect may do him harm, for nobody will even suspect the torment he's going through. The Passionate Pig Above all else, Pigs are sensual, self-indulgent creatures. They adore anything that smacks of physical pleasure, whether it is gorging themselves with sweetmeats or idling a whole day away with their newfound heart throbs between their satin sheets. Passionate by nature, some younger Pigs could tend towards promiscuity while some of the older ones could well become bawdy and lascivious. Unfortunately for them, love seems somehow to befog many a Pig; when deeply smitten, their emotions become rather transparent and they can become putty in the hands of unscrupulous types who can induce them to behave quite out of character. They may often be deceived, often disappointed, often made a fool of ... and often loved. The female Pig makes a very good mother. Pigs are loving and loyal to their mates, and caring and considerate towards those they love. In any close, intimate relationship it is friendship that the Pig will value most. Settled with the right partner, these generous, warm hearted individuals will enjoy happy and contented lives, developing their talents within that supportive framework and devoting themselves completely to their family and their loved ones. With their simplicity of soul and their sensual appreciation of nature, the Pig always seeks the authentic and the true in personal relationships. The Pig would be well advised to share his or her life with those born under the sign of the Rabbit -- that's the surest way of avoiding arguments. They must keep out of the clutches of the Snake, who will make a complete slave out of the Pig in no time, enmeshing the Pig in his coils to the extent that the poor Pig loses all power of movement. The Ram will take advantage of him. Like the Rabbit, the Tiger and Rat are excellent partners for the Pig, but the Monkey is not honest enough for his taste. December is the month of the Pig. The time of the Pig is from 9:00 p.m. to 10:59 p.m.; their direction of orientation is north-northwest. The Pig's color is dark blue.

Compatibility

(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)

..> ..> ..>..>

Rat	88 - These two make marvelous mates
Ox	69 - Why not, it worth a try.
Tiger	77 - They are very different, but this will work.
Rabbit	91 - Very compatible. Everything will be good.
Dragon	94 - Most Dragon/Pig marriages last forever.
Snake	45 - The Pig can never please the Snake.
Horse	75 - This relationship worth a try.
Sheep	98 - One of the happiest possible combinations.
Monkey	81 - This could work. They admire each other.
Rooster	72 - The Pig is patient, this could work.
Dog	84 - They share their thoughts and feeling.
Pig	92 - An excellent match.

Here's the link to find Your Zodiac (just click on the Chinese character of your breed. No worries, there's English translation)

I'm so ready I'm pathetic

OK, I've been seriously bitten by the baby-making bug for about 3 years now.

Most of you don't know this --for more than 2 decades, I resented children, even cute ones! Yes, I especially cannot tolerate their neediness. In some way, I now truly know why some subscribe to the notion that to not have children is a selfish thing. Not that I agree with that, but like politics, religion, Wal-mart, that's another subject I don't want to get tangled in.

Anyway, what makes me pathetic?

I was watching the travel channel last night. There was a great program that showcased the largest aquarium ( City of Arts and Science ) in the world in Valencia, Spain. Following that, it was a peek into Orlando's Sea World.

That was the feature that got me all gooey. They showed a segment where one of the killer whales was popping out a baby whale. It was the most amazing, clean (not taking into account that cloud of dark gas) and quick (well, after 4 hours of labor) mammal birth I've witnessed. Anyway, I was choked up with emotion.

So, there, a simple viewing of a whale birth got me all faklempt.

Plus, the number of impending pregnancies surrounding me from all 3 sides in the office. Aarggghhhh.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Amber: I, too, have been bitten by the baby bug but I know that the smart thing to do is hold off for at least another year or so until after Drew and I have settled into a home and have steady jobs. I cannot make it through a TLC "Baby Story" dry-eyed. I, too, am pathetic. :)

Jeremy: Good for you all. I personally have those pangs every now and again, when I look at a sweet, cute little toddler who's behaving him or herself, and I see the little girl or little guy reach up to their daddy for a hug. Those pangs decrease when they start screaming or throwing a tantrum in a public place, but they're still there every now and again.

Right now, I'm not ready for it. I'd prefer to have help (aka find the second daddy) be financially secure (which I'm still working on) and live in a state that won't discriminate against me when it comes time to adopt.

Enough possessions already!

I'm looking around my rental home in Lubbock and wondered why the hell did I unpack so much of our load.

I had pictures hung up on the wall, loads of kitchenware stashed in cabinets. And now I'm moving out in mid-December. I know we leased this place for 6 months but the homemaker in me just can't resist making the present place homey. Now, I have to start taping up the boxes and packing the miscellaneous back.

I only started househunting (for rent, not to own) yesterday and today, I lucked out finding one in a good neighborhood that has two tennis courts, playground and lake nearby, and for $300 less.

Since I never got into a habit of soaking, the small tubs don't faze me either. I hope I can convince M to take it. The public tennis courts and cost more than make up for the flowery granny wallpaper.

The cost of rental in Lubbock is ridiculous considering the standard of living here is low and cost of living high.

Most newer homes rent for $1000 onwards, and the older houses with the panel wood walls and musty carpets rent for $900.

My renters in Augusta should realize they scored well with our home.

They got it for a song.

In the nick of time

We made an offer on a house and was accepted.

Surprisingly, we manged to find a house, with the help of an agent, over the weekend. We made the offer this Monday afternoon, and was accepted after the expected counteroffer.

And all in good time, too:

Our current landlord will be returning to our rental on July 22.

My in-laws (mom and 3 kids in tow) are coming to the Southwest for 2 weeks beginning July 14.

I'm going to training next week in Augusta.

And we are closing on July 13!!!!!

How close did we cut it?!?

There is a God. And the house is nice, too. It's in the neighborhood I want to be in - near a good supermarket, a park with tennis courts, pond, children's playground. And it has TREES!!!!!

Also, we believe property will be desired in the near future as there are lots of development coming up near it.

Oh, the floorplan is lovely, as well.

The process is a blur

It has started again -- the ordeal of home purchase.

I've been through it once, and it is still an ordeal. Particularly so when it has to happen when I have a full-time job. Ah, the irony. Kinda got the money but no time. And the only one with great credit (can anyone beat 750?)

But it hasn't gotten clearer. I swear these loaners are nickle-and-diming us to the state of confusion, agony and possible thougths of separation! Evilllllllll

Just got to get it out of my system. That's what you guys are here for!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a Good Thing

I was asked to take donations via the phone lines for the Children's Miracle Network today. It's an event that's televised live sprinkled with national programming about the CMN. It's interesting how some people are so enamoured by local TV newcast celebrities. Don't get me wrong. This veteran news team is professional and you got to admire them for thinking fast on their feet, and being so undistracted by all that's going on around them. The event is enlightening. I only fielded two calls in 1 hour, and most donations only came in after viewers were courted by the hosts, and personal story of this local kid who appeared with his family. He was the victim of a teenager's driving. Poor thing, his face and eye were disfigured from the accident, and they had to mend the area by taking skin grafts. Anyway, I did my good deed for the day, and it feels good. Oh, I definitely don't have the face nor hair for TV. Next time, put moonface on the back row, PLEASE. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amy: You are such a good girl. And isn't Moonface a Chinese dish. I like mine with shrimp, extra spicy - no MSG! And quite frankly Miss Ling, most TV news people suck ass. You know that and I know that. They are girls with pretty faces but often little else. Oh wait, they have good hair. I have suffered through way too many of their "interviews" waiting to ask real questions to have much real respect for them.

Life Times

Hard to believe ... It's already halfway into 2006. Time to start saving for Christmas; M's been in Lubbock a year and a month. I, 10 months; I've been in this new job for a month; Knowing what it's like when fatigue hit me an hour after coming home. Must be the waking up at 6 a.m. deal. Or is it old age? Moved into this recent rental, our 2nd in a year. And we're told today that we need to move by beginning of July for the landlords are reclaiming their house; Made lots of good friends here in Lubbock and on myspace; Will be seeing my ole Augusta pals in late June (that's right, guys, you heard it here first); Finally made it to San Antonio (pictures coming up soon in spotted.lubbockonline.com); Going to DisneyWorld in September; Contemplating buying a house here in Lubbock. Egads!

Flipper update

I happy to learn yesterday from an equally abused neighbor that Flipper is not racist, nor run over by a VW, nor anti-mutts. He's just off his rocker. Thanks, Flipper, for making our life experience in Lubbock a tad exciting!

No Snowman for Singapore

Oh well, I tried.

I bought this gimmicky Hallmark Snowman gift for the 4 kids back home cuz it'll be goofy to the toddlers and adults. So, I had to buy a steady box to mail it in.

Why didn't I use the moving boxes I have lying around? Because I'm too lazy to cut it down to size.

Anyway, when I went to the post office today to mail it, I was told the cheapest would be Letter Post at $10.50 or so and that takes 4-6 weeks. So much for shopping early. The next cheapest would be about $20.

Well, guess what. The singing snowman costs only $12.95. I simply refuse to pay more in shipping than the item itself. It just doesn't make sense to.

So, now , I'm taking him back to the mall.

Christmas display - none too soon

I never thought I'd say this but maybe it's not too soon that stores are gearing up for Christmas now.

Sacrilege?

I came to this realization when I was at Hallmark getting cards (no, not Christmas cards).

Hallmark aficionados know that if one buys three cards on prominent holidays, one gets a discount on their featured holiday item. This year's it's a snoman singing a medley of Christmas classics at a piano with flashing lights. Normally, I don't succumb to such gimmick but for $12.95, I thought I would get it as a gift to my toddler relatives back in Singapore.

In recent years, I had gained four cousins and a niece between the ages of a few months to 9 years.

To return to the point that it's not too early to shop for Christmas, I realized that this is the perfect time to buy since shipping tends to get really costly when I wait till 3 weeks before Christmas.

Bet that escaped your thought, too, right? I had been burned in the past by shipping my gifts too late, and the s/h ended costing more than the gifts combined. Not this year.

I have to be frugal with my money this year due to my lack of employment. So much so that I may have to succumb to sending, egads, e-cards to my friends.

Sorry to be such a Scrooge, guys.

Is there a blogger in me?

Monday, November 07, 2005 (from myspace)

Is there blogger in me?

I've never done this. It's actually quite scary detailing my thoughts for all to see. But it may be an exercise in fruition and maybe, I'll find a new calling in life.So, here I am, in little Lubbock, Texas. Four months and counting. And job seeking. And being told I'm overqualified. And being offered pay too insulting to detail -- although in looking back now, I wished I had taken it just so I'm relieved of the boredom. I know my position is envied by those who are slogging hard (M, for instance). I suppose I thrive under stress and sadly, derive my worth from a job well done at work. That's pretty sad, isn't it?