I can't handle my fame

The subject line is in jest, but it doesn't stray from the point that I have friends who constantly wants to do stuff with me. And I don't know how to turn them down. When I do, I feel rotten.

I made a friend here about a year ago, and she's the most caring, sweetest gal. Her husband is wonderful and we as a couple get along well. It's difficult to find another couple whose significant other you like. So I cherish them, and once in a while, involve them in our weekend or late-week activities.

That said, she has a habit of constantly wanting us to join them at meals, weekends (we don't agree on most of the food. Let's just say I'm a bit more discerning or picky, go to their home etc. And she's constantly instant messaging me on the most mundane goings-on in her day.

We. I, need alone time to ourselves. I've turned down enough invitations that I feel I'm giving her the cold shoulder. But I'm not. I just can't afford to spend on eating out constantly. And they don't cook, so they eat out a lot (hence, happy hour).

Sometimes, I just want to be with Mark and be alone. Sigh.

I'm sure you have had similar situations. How did you handle it?

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Bob: Basically, she is under your "when I have time" friend.

I am typically very honest about my priorities, so I do not pretend like I even like to entertain. Most of my friends know that I hate to go out and spend "useless" hours chatting about "mundane" stuff.

Most of my entertainment has an agenda attached, either for biz or some child's birthday. The rest I just turn down.

AND SOON THEY STOP ASKING!!! ha ha...yeah, I feel out of the loop sometimes, but hey, better than miscommunication right?

I am not a popular guy, but at least my friends know when THEY CALL ME, they will get the help they need!

It is funny, becos my friends call me when their wife is delivering, their child's sick, they need school advice, they need biz advice...BUT NOT when they have parties going on. Jeez...but I prefer it this way!

I hope your friend understand the "real" you. I've known you since I don't know when, so I guess I know that you are not exactly the "entertaining" sort and needs to put in an effort to be around friends and relatives. Sometimes, you just have to show your "true" self.

Me: I don't want her to stop asking, I just want her to stop asking every few days, every week....

Karen: why should you feel bad!? and you said she is nice and asks nicely... and when someone asks, they expect either a yes or no... so you really don't need to explain yourself. just say you have plans already... easy as that. you don't need to explain what you're doing, with who are why she's not invited. sometimes, people just like to hang out at home with absolutely nothing to do, doesn't she know that?!

sms her mundane things you do lol! stuff like 'just laying here naked with mark and enjoying every second of it' - or 'gonna' go take a dump and thinking of you' hahahahaha! i'm sure she'll cut down her sms's to you lol! if she doesn't, i'll give you more awful suggestions :D

Me: Shit! She'll love the mundane stuff. She does that to me all the time. It's worse than twitter content!

Not a good idea!

As for explaining myself, cuz she will follow up with wanting to know specifically what I have in mind. I always truthfully tell her I'm tired. I am.

She has cabin fever, so she likes to go out. grrrrr

John: If you don't go out with these people you're a horrible person and everyone will know it.

Dan: First -- be honest with them. If you can't afford to go out, say so. If you two want to have a "you" night at home, say so. Don't start making weird excuses and then get caught up in a tangled little web.

Second -- keep including them in your plans. They obviously enjoy hanging around y'all as well, otherwise she wouldn't be texting you and calling all the time.

After that, just let it roll. They'll eventually figure out how you work and things will be fine. Or they won't, and minor drama will ensue, and you will hastily cut yourself away from it. Because you hate drama (and who doesn't?).

Me: OMG, I tell her that I can't afford ALL THE TIME!! She says that her husband wishes she's more like me, in the frugal sense. LOL.

Yeah, I've quit responding to the IMs. I told her that I don't pay for unlimited texting, and I'm already close to mid-way with her incoming ones and I'm less than 3 weeks away from my billing cycle!

I do include her in the plans, just not all of them.

The Barefoot Hostess

One more time and hopefully, I don't hit some button by mistake and have to restart.

This recent weekend, I played host to my fabulous Singapore girlfriends whom I met eons ago in Wichita, KS. One has moved to Indianapolis 2 year ago and the other is a really accomplished nurse in Wichita. This was their 2nd visit in less than a year and I couldn't be happier about it.

One thing I've learned from having 7 groups of guests in less than a year is I am glad I don't own a B&B, and that I simply lack the energy to keep up. Since Thursday, I had stayed up past 12 (I know, shocking right?), talked nonstop (other than work) and learned that I've good friends.

Living in a tourist-envy city means doing same things multiple times. In this instance, my foody-crazy friend went to the same restaurant 2 meals in a row (dinner one night, lunch the next day) and we ordered the same meals! Then, being typical Singaporeans, after eating, we shopped! So we didn't venture downtown, and that's OK. I refuse to fork over money for another ride up the Sears Tower or do the museum. Now, if you have a game ticket to say, oh, any professional sports team, I've no qualms returning.

So, who's next?



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Christina: What a cool looking group of friends! And you have always been the hostess with the mostest! I promise at some point I'm coming to Chicago...but I won't make you go up in the Sears Tower! Already been there! I'd mainly like to do the sports team thing and the shopping (besides seeing you and Mark of course!) :-)

One More Won't Hurt

As I got older and wiser, I realized the saying "It's better to have few friends than many acquaintances" carry lots of credo. And as I moved from state to state in the last decade, the chances of making friends get slimmer as I get older. Especially with people who have been in the place forever and simply have no room for you in their cliques.

So, anytime I meet someone new, I simply don't harbor any expectations that I can get a friendship out of him/her.

Then myspace came along, and all sorts of people start becoming your friends, some for better, and others not. At least I have the option of dropping them before they drop me, right? hahahaha.

So it is through myspace that I found a few good people. One is G, whom I met in Singapore shortly after our correspondence. And G told me about her best bud K who is happily married in the States. When I returned from my vacation, I thought I would get to know K via the net. K turned out to be everything that G told me about - funny, genuine, and sincere. So K and I talked on the phone for about a year, both of us knowing that I may not visit her in Tennessee, and no way is she coming to Lubbock (where I was living then). And that's OK with me, cuz we figured at some time, we'll hook up with G in New York where G is, and it's win-win-win for all.

Then, before we know it, we're meeting in Chicago. It's silly to confess this but meeting and making new friends in person suddenly brings to mind a blind date! The drive to downtown Chicago was a little nerve-wracking for me. I mean, I meeting this "friend" and her husband. The ratio, first of all, is off. And then, what if I turned out to be a dud to them. Conversing on phone is way easier. There's always an easy exit if the phone conversation hangs on dead air - "oh, I gotta go grocery shopping!" Of course, K laughs it off when I expressed my concern.

And this is one of 2 get-togethers we're having while they're in Chicago. Mark is unable to make dinner in the middle of the week, and we made plans for another dinner date on Friday. And they had kindly extended their stay to accomodate us!

So there brings another concern, right? What if the husbands are socially awkward around each other? I mean, that's always the problems with couples, isn't it? Rarely can a couple find another couple that they want to hang out with. One half of the other couple seems to possess some idiosyncracy that most surely guarantee there won't be a "next time." Thankfully, our husbands turned out to be quite chatty, more so than us girls!

In this rare case, one or two more friends certainly doesn't hurt. Now I just wish all my friends are closer in distance to me.

The unsuspecting ang-mohs with their "SPG"s

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Jeremy: Awww :) I'd love to come visit sometime.

Patrick: Man, do I ever know about that whole hardening of cliques thing. That was easily the most brutal part about being single in Augusta. But you know, my father likes to say that we don't get older, we just get more so. So if you're interested in making new friends when you're young, it stands to reason you'll be open to new people when you're an adult, and hopefully find others who are open too. Kudos for reaching out!

Christina: I'm proud of you for reaching out, like Jeremy said! This is a great picture and it does prove the virtues of things like Myspace when you can make and meet new friends even over long distances! Glad to hear this worked out...like you however I wish you guys were closer and that all the good people I know weren't spread so far out around the country!

Bob: Wonderful! It is tough moving around so much, uprooting and all, nice pic, I'm sure u guys had a wonderful time!

Karen: the unsuspecting new friend :) ...here i am! told you not to be nervous lol!

you're absolutely right about the distance however... sucks huh?! but at least we're moving away to (hopefully) a more exciting place then memphis lol. it can't get much worst, can it!? lol! ...and you guys can come visit. plus we certainly will be back in chicago so you'll be seeing us soooon!

Random acts of sweetness to little ole me

It's such a great feeling to be thought of by a friend, out of the blue to boot!

Yesterday, I finally got to an e-mail from K if I had received a package from her. When I got home, I found it tucked between the front doors.

It was no mere packet but a big USPS box and it felt heavy.

She had sent me some Chinese medicine I had requested a while back and added a few surprises like snacks and a housewarming gift. The most interesting thing is, we haven't even met! Maybe I should keep it that way.

Now, I have to admit I felt really touched and special and I loveeeee surprises and presents! It's been a while since any friend had randomly thought of getting me a gift. Geez, I can't remember the last time I got a birthday card from a bunch of folks, except from C, who always sends me cards and when I visit, pack me some nice SEAsian desserts for the road. And there's John Sinclair, who will rise to the occasion of making me mixed CDs for the long road trips the 2 times I relocated since knowing him.
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Jeremy: Aww. That's awesome. Hope you're doing well.

Thanks, guys, for the reminder that I am special to you. I can't wait to start gifting to you. Afterall, I love shopping.

From the Dust bowl to the Cotton Bowl

On New Year's Day, we left the horrific Dust Bowl of Lubbock (see blog below) and headed for the Cotton Bowl 2006, which pitted Texas Tech against the University of Alabama.

The five-hour drive to Dallas took us along the backroads where we were a few distance away from the grass fire. It was a surreal sight to see the glow of the fire and smoke in the horizon. What wondrous colors in the midst of a horrible situation.

We awoke early the next morning at 6 a.m. to make it to our parking spots at the Texas Fair Grounds. Yes, we had parking permits. Not only that, we also had tickets to the 3rd row on the 40 yard line. It's good to have connections, baby. Now I know why management hate to give up their jobs. Along with that, they'd have to give up with perks.

Some of you may not know this. M's from Alabama, near Mobile. His parents went to the University of Alabama (and Auburn subsequently). We got tickets via the AJ's connections. Guess who we are rooting for

We had earlier planned to root for both teams, generally a good game. So, there we were, seated among the Tech fans (with the exception of another Alabama supporter, see 2nd picture), cheering for both teams.

I felt rather schizophrenic after a while. I gave up around the 2nd quarter. Make up your mind, Ling. Stick to one and stand by the decision.

So, after Alabama made a touch down in the first 4 minutes of the 1st quarter (a play that was disputed AFTER the game), an approximate 80-yard run, I switched allegiance.

To be fair, I was going to root for Bama. I figured blood is thicker than water and since M's mom couldn't be with us, somebody gotta be the unpopular one among the Tech fans. I'm not afraid.

And did my allegiance pay off. Bama broke the tie at 5 seconds to the end of the game by kicking a field goal, making it just inches from the bottom left of the post. Now, that's a game. 13-10.

Photo below: A few of us thought he was a chicken. M immediately figured he was a cotton ball. How brilliant. He even had the physique for it! Oops, that was rude.