The idea with Facebook or Myspace is so we'll reconnect with present and past friends. As usual, my criteria for friends request and acceptance bear no consistency. I've added those I was never close with, but with the desire that through the add, there'll be a concerted effort from both ends to start the friendship that was barely there. Then, there are those I refuse to add and likewise for them, have no inclination to ever reconnect.
And there's always that one past that will return to find you. The Ex.
I've only had 2 "real" boyfriends my whole life. Him and my husband. There're the frivolous dates, but I don't consider them monumental individuals. Yes, every one of them has helped shaped my perspectives and matured me slightly.
So yesterday an email popped up in the inbox asking if I was the person he thought I was. I was stunned he contacted me, but I wasn't shocked that he would find me. Afterall, we all came up with almost every name we could remember from our past when we joined Facebook, just to see where the heck they are, and what they look like now. Disclosure: I did a search on him as well. HOWEVER, I NEVER thought for a second to send him a message. Hence, his check mate move.
In fact, about 10 years ago, he called me at work in Kansas. At that moment, I was caught unprepared and felt stalked. I lashed out at him for tracking me down. And I remembered this. He got the defensive (why wouldn't he) and told me not to flatter myself, that he is happily married to some Israeli woman. Well, good, I said, I'm glad. And that was it.
So when he tracked me down again a day ago, I had about 10 years of maturity since and having talked to the husband about our pasts, I was wiser to handle the situation this time.
I responded immediately and acknowledged it was I, and proceeded to ask how he and the family, which includes his, his mom, and sisters are. That's it.
What I would get out of it, was a laundry list of what he had been doing the last 10 years.
I'm glad I didn't respond in kind. In fact, I'm playing the waiting game. I needed the time to evaluate what an immediate response is going to do to his fragile psyche.
I relayed the incident to a colleague today. And as always, she ties her thoughts up in a neat little package. She agrees that a needy personality like his is going to leap if I am quick in my correspondence, and opens up an unintended invitation back into my life. And she said there's a fine line between civility and friendship, and I don't have to offer him friendship if I don't wish to. But there's certainly no need for cold shoulders.
So I don't feel bad. I should be polite and kind, but I don't need to offer or accept his friend request.
And there's always that one past that will return to find you. The Ex.
I've only had 2 "real" boyfriends my whole life. Him and my husband. There're the frivolous dates, but I don't consider them monumental individuals. Yes, every one of them has helped shaped my perspectives and matured me slightly.
So yesterday an email popped up in the inbox asking if I was the person he thought I was. I was stunned he contacted me, but I wasn't shocked that he would find me. Afterall, we all came up with almost every name we could remember from our past when we joined Facebook, just to see where the heck they are, and what they look like now. Disclosure: I did a search on him as well. HOWEVER, I NEVER thought for a second to send him a message. Hence, his check mate move.
In fact, about 10 years ago, he called me at work in Kansas. At that moment, I was caught unprepared and felt stalked. I lashed out at him for tracking me down. And I remembered this. He got the defensive (why wouldn't he) and told me not to flatter myself, that he is happily married to some Israeli woman. Well, good, I said, I'm glad. And that was it.
So when he tracked me down again a day ago, I had about 10 years of maturity since and having talked to the husband about our pasts, I was wiser to handle the situation this time.
I responded immediately and acknowledged it was I, and proceeded to ask how he and the family, which includes his, his mom, and sisters are. That's it.
What I would get out of it, was a laundry list of what he had been doing the last 10 years.
I'm glad I didn't respond in kind. In fact, I'm playing the waiting game. I needed the time to evaluate what an immediate response is going to do to his fragile psyche.
I relayed the incident to a colleague today. And as always, she ties her thoughts up in a neat little package. She agrees that a needy personality like his is going to leap if I am quick in my correspondence, and opens up an unintended invitation back into my life. And she said there's a fine line between civility and friendship, and I don't have to offer him friendship if I don't wish to. But there's certainly no need for cold shoulders.
So I don't feel bad. I should be polite and kind, but I don't need to offer or accept his friend request.
1 comment:
Oh wow. I know the person of whom you are speaking!
I am very fortunate in that none of my exes have ever tracked me down, thank God. Of course this is probably because I don't register for social networks with my real name.
I'm amazed at how many people I know, however, who are NOT on any social networks. I have at least 20 long lost college and high school friends who can't be found by anybody, anywhere. They're not even on google.
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