Why rush into marriage?

I don't get it. Someone I know at work had been dating for less than a year before he packed up and moved to Chicago cuz his girlfriend wanted to move back to be with family, moved into an apartment together, and now, just a few months more than a year, are engaged and planning an October wedding.

She appears to be the alpha in the relationship and he the puppy dog. Sweet guy, nice girl. But I foresee trouble.

So when I was stopped in the hall for this "good news", the only thing I can force myself to say is "Congrats and marriage is great!"

Who the hell am I to bust his bubble, right?

UPDATE!!! aarrrghhhhh, now he's sent people at work pictures of the ring and them kissing! What????????

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Channing: Exactly, when it comes to love no one wants to hear that they are making a mistake.

Me: So true, Hef. Lord knows I opened my honest mouth once too many times in the past. Grrrrr.

Christina: You did the right thing, to bite your tongue and just give the congratulations. Trust me, I have a lifelong friend who is about to make the biggest mistake of his life. I tried to talk to him about it and it was like talking to a cement wall. I've just decided it's futile to try to tell people what to do. But in this scenario you describe I too foresee trouble!

Bob: We learn from our mistakes.

Jeremy: Love is intoxicating and it sounds like there might be some co-dependency issues there--just sayin. You did the right thing Ling -- he'll have to learn for himself, the hard way. All you can do is send good vibes/pray/think good thoughts for him.

Patrick: I find that in instances like this, the best course of action is to ask questions that'll make the person really think twice about what they're doing. If you play dumb, you can't be accused of meddling, right?

Me: Hmmm, what would you ask?

Patrick: You know, stuff like "Why do you think things clicked so fast?"

Say it to my face if you have the guts

Hmm, where shall I begin?

I took a turn into a near-vacant parking lot of an upscale strip mall this Sunday, almost near closing time, when I spied a guy walking across the lot, acting too cool with his layered shirts, and disheveled rock star hair. It wasn't his appearance that put me off, but you can read the attitude of a bloke who thinks he's too sexy for his looks and all that, cuz he didn't employ the basic road-crossing 101 and that is to look both ways.

Anyway, I was going in what M called my Mario-Andretti lead-foot pace and decided to teach this guy a lesson - that the world doesn't owe him shit.

No, I didn't floor the car and rev the engine. When he looked over at the last minute and spotted my car, he expected me to stop for me. Instead, I just glided by and he was the one who had to put on his brakes. Ha!

After parking, I made a hasty visit into a women's clothing store and not finding anything, I bounded out of the store and headed into another store. It was here that I got a rude awakening; although in looking back, I shouldn't be surprised.

The bloke and I crossed paths in opposite direction, and I heard him muttered loudly under his breath "Bitch."

I was taken aback as I don't recall having anyone call me a name before. I have professed to being a bitch myself, but to be called one at such close proximity, that was interesting, to say the least.

I evaluated the situation as I was browsing. And I thought that was quite chickenshit of him. And I was glad I didn't turn around and dared him to say it to my face cuz I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. I was pleased with my handling of the situation until I spent the next few seconds still pondering the situation and that's when I started to panic.

Jeez, if he were that angry at me to do such a cowardly thing, what next? He knows my car, the lot is near vacant, he could very well key it.

I hastened my pace out the door and did a once-around on my car. Thankfully, it was left intact. That was close.

I guess what I got out of this experience is that it's not worth it to teach someone a lesson. With his attitude, he'll get his just dessert in due time.

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Bob: You were spoiling for a fight weren't you?? LOL, glad you made it out alive!

Jeremy: I say stalk him, and cut his face up the next time you see him. Or maybe not.

I know it's bad to wish ill upon those who cross your path, but I've been pleasantly satisfied to see people pulled over for speeding by the Georgia State Patrol who were tailgating me--as well as those who wind up flying off the road and hitting trees.

Ling... maybe we have some pent up rage that needs to be let out somehow. Maybe through boxing. Hmmm...

Patrick: I do not doubt that the guy was a complete asshole, but I gotta be honest--there is no way that, if I were in his shoes, I would take it as some sort of lesson to be learned. I would simply assume you were some self-centered, distracted, um, bitch. But then again, in New York, we don't wait when we get pissed off at drivers. I've actually screamed at drivers who've threatened me while I was crossing the street. It's a much more open and honest hostility, you know?

Me: He may not learn a lesson but at least I didn't let him get away with it.

You'll do great in China, where pedestrians and drivers and cyclists at constantly running amok of traffic laws. It's definitely a mob mentality.

News We Can Use .1

Welcome to the first installment of News WE can Use. As you can see, I didn't use "You" as I am in no position to patronize anyone.

Question: What does overnight mean to you when you are mailing a package? Very likely the next day, right?

Answer: Well, the Friday before New Year's Day, I went to the local PostNet branch to mail a packet stuffed with big bills to M, who lost his only cash-acquisition card the night before.

I told the fella I wanted it to get there ASAP, overnight. He asked if I wanted it there by 3:30 p.m. or 10:30 a.m. I found out the cost difference was a mere $4. So I request for 10:30 a.m., and verified again that it is "overnight, right?"

So Saturday morning came, and I called M at 11 a.m. to verify he got the packet. He told me it didn't arrive, and he checked the tracking number on the Web site, and it stated it's already arrived in the Fedex office. But it won't be delivered until Jan 2, a Tuesday.

I was livid. Those of you who had witnessed me in a rage can imagine my outburst to Fedex when I called their 800 number. I was a complete basketcase and I was yelling and crying (yes, crying) at the customer rep about the incredibly insipid customer service I received. And how could anyone not have explained to me (like she had done on the phone) that overnight on Friday means overnight NEXT BUSINESS DAY! And how important that package is for someone who is stranded in a new place. And what they can do to make an effort to ensure he gets the package that day.

But she said there is nothing they can do. And that overnight generally means next business day, unless I specified I was overnight weekend!

So there M is, spending his first weekend with only $10, and having a long weekend to boot with little to no means.

Thankfully, for PostNet, I had a few days to calm down before I storm to the office the next business day. Which was the first thing I did on Tuesday. Well, I didn't storm in. I was actually quite professional. But I did express to the manager that I'm disgusted with the lackey who sold me the service and not have the good sense to know his job. I got a full credit on future purchase for the inconvenience.

So, the moral of the lesson is don't count on good customer service from anyone, anywhere. And hope you didn't have to go through what I did.

This concludes "News WE can Use"

Are you pregnant?

This is a question, women or men, should NEVER EVER ask a gal.

And it is this exact question I was stumped with at work in an e-mail today.

The question came from a colleague who's about 50 something years old, old enough to know better, and being a woman at that.

I know I'm not the hottest shite around. I know I've packed on a few pounds since my Myrtle Beach, Wichita, and Augusta days.

The point is such a question serves no purpose except to get around the real question -- are you packing on pounds?

For the uninitiated, even if you genuinely suspect a person is pregnant, don't ask her. Wait for her to share the good news. Preggies love to gush about it.

I know you men must be rolling your eyes now and saying I'm making a big deal. That hardly matters. What matters is I'm more confused than hurt that she, having had so much more life experiences than me, should know better.

Another side item, I received several compliments today about my green dress and jacket at work. And her comment was "You have a flower up your butt." What gives!?!?!?!

Oh, one more thing about this lady. She introduced me to an intern the other day. And she could have left it at my name, dept, and what I do. Instead, she decided to add that "Ling is also sleeping with the online director."

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Patrick: Wow, talk about someone to steer clear of! Even I know you don't ask someone that kind of question, for the exact reason that there's always a chance that she's not. I mean, that should be as embarrassing for the person asking the question as the person being asked.

As for the other questions, maybe she's just one of those people who when they get to a certain age, they decide that conventional manners don't apply to them anymore?

Me: That's what Mark thought - that she fancies herself old enough to not adhere to social mores. But he wasn't as sympathetic as you. Thanks, Pat.

Melissa: Wow. Nice or not, there's such a thing as "tact", and this woman definitely doesn't have it. I'm so sorry! But you know what? It also sounds to me like she's jealous of you!!! From her actions, she seems very insecure and possibly a tad bit threatened by you. But that's *her* problem! Acting so childishly certainly isn't going to endear her to anyone! Baaahhhh! LOL! Ya know, let her play this out. I've noticed that most people don't enjoy being around women like this. So eventually, she's only going to ostracize herself and end up miserable if she keeps doing this! Hopefully she'll change her tune when she notices that people aren't responding to her!! ... Of course, at the same time, I'm not saying to sit back and not stick up for yourself either! Next time she introduces you as the person who's "sleeping with the online director," just grin and say, "Why yes ma'am, I am! I'm a very lucky girl! ... And I'm not sharing." ;-)

Me: You know, other girls said the same thing as you -- that she's jealous? Of what? My youth? I do a different job from her. I have to play nice cuz we still have to work together, and she still has to return a pair of pants I had her alter. grrrrr

Christina: Wow...this heifer has just been inducted into my All Time Hall of Fame of Rude Idiots in the Office. My God. The pregnant question was bad enough. Yep, that's hugely tactless. But the other stuff? Either she's jealous or so insecure that she's trying desperately to mask her insecurity with inappropriate humor! My advice? Engage only in office-required civilities with her, and if needed, use the clever remark ala what Melissa suggested to make her shut up.
Truly, however,I thought I'd met some of the all time no-tact heifers at The State. But this one beats 'em!

Jeremy: O M G. I think she was born without a filter. Either that, or she's off her meds.

If you're sick, stay in and be sick ...

especially if you value your work status and reputation. An employee of M's called in sick on Monday (hmmm, being sick on the first and last day of a work week always rouses suspicion, Confucius said) and at the last minute, on top of that. Fine. What can you do? The way the U.S. work laws are set up, you don't question them, and there's no reason to bring in a doctor's order, unlike Singapore.The whole workforce dynamics is built on trust and accountability, which lend itself to horrible abuse of the system. On a side note, I say bring back the authoritarian, and none of that "I-Feel-You" Franklin Covey management psychology. The day had to go on with or without this bloke, who unfortunately, is one of the better workers M has. It so happened that was also the day that the WWE was going on, and at the last minute, we got the OK to go shoot pictures of the event and the fans. On our way there, M commented wouldn't it be funny if we catch said worker at the event. I found out that said worker is a fan. And I was more gleeful than M at the opportunity to catch him red-handed. You see, I have what experts call a revenge gene. Alas, I didn't catch him with my lens. Later that night, we returned home to process the picture. M stayed up all night to finish them. The next morning, he told me he thinks he spotted sick worker in the crowd shot inside the arena. Sure enough, sick worker with the stomach flu is it in the pic.We recognized his shirt, his features, and being a golfer, was wearing a notable golf cap. Before you knew it, word spread like wildfire in the office and everyone who knew him had a good chuckle, as I found out at a team meeting last Friday. Now, what would you do if you found out you were caught? Well, this bloke called in that morning and pronounced himself "still sick." Wow, the gall. We suspect he must be using his days off to conjure up excuses. Come hump-week, and he showed up with a doctor's note. I find that a most uncommon practice in the States. Like I said earlier, there never was a requirement to do that, but his guilty conscience obviously was working OT to cover his lies. Not a real good coverup as that note was FAXED IN! Like M said, if only his workers were as diligent about their work as they were about other people's job and covering their lying tracks, he would have no issue. His story went like this: he was really sick but since he had already spent that much money on his front-row seats, he couldn't possibly stay home. But he didn't have that great a time cuz he threw up the nachos at the person in front him. Now, I've had stomach flu before. It's not pleasant and I couldn't go into the torrid details of the agony. Suffice it to say you better stay near a waste receptacle and not be eating nachos. Pedialyte and antibiotics made up your diet, baby. So the advice is this, dear readers: stay home if you claim to be sick cuz you just don't want to come to work. Just don't leave the house. Murphy's law always works against you --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bob: Why do you want Singapore style "guilty till proven innocent" brought to the US??? Lying with a doctor's certificate is still rampant in Singapore anyway! Mark's colleague should have been more discreet! Explains why there are some characters who cover their faces with the newspaper or files when there are camera crews around Orchard road! Anyway, I am also saving trees now. When Doctors ask me if I need an MC, I say, no need, I am self employed. So they save on their medical chits, but I get the sympathy of Doctors going "MAKE SURE you rest! You can't work if you don't get well!" Well, and YES, I do buy their expensive Anti-biotics. (That explains the courtesy)

Do you feel better if I say "Egrish?

I'm absolutely floored, flummoxed, frustrated and _____ (fill in the alliterations here).

Among the basic words a child is taught is "low". As in high/low. That incidentally is my last name.

But strangers will insist on pronouncing it "Lau." Now, I know some of you have been guilty of it...grrrrr. But I really don't hold it against you. Honestly.

So, what is it about my name, especially when it's sight unseen, that anyone will assume "Low" is not pronounced the way they had been accustomed to pronouncing?

I understand the mistake can be committed when my accent and features betray my ethnicity. But wouldn't one err on the side of calling a spade a spade before being corrected?

Incidentally, my dad's birth certificate and IDs have him registered as Low as well as the alias Lau. But that's because Lau is the dialect derivative of Low.

Confusing, no? or is it Nau?

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Patrick: You say pot-ay-to, i say po-taw-to, I say to-may-to, you say to-maw-to........Incedentally, did you know that when for awhile, when you searched for my name in the New York Times web site, it says "Did you mean to mean "Patrick Virile?"

I haven't a clue as to why someone would mispronounce your last name. Mystified, even.

Me: Your name is tricky. And I can see the horrific association. When I first met you, I had to be careful to stress on the "el" syllable.

Jeremy: You know, if we simply spelled everything using the International Phonetic Alphabet, the problem might be solved. I'd make it so where there'd be a few clicks in my name for good measure, and maybe a back of the throat glottal stop, like in Qatar (pronounced like "gutter" except the "g" sound is so far in the back of your throat that it sounds like you're coughing up a hairball), just to mess with lazy American mouths.

If the "Low/Lau" thing is bad, how about those people who pronounce "Craig" as "Greg?" Seriously, there are people who can't.

Me: But that's a cultural difference, whereas a simple "low" or "eat" or "stupid" should not be mispronounced in the first place! And what you mentioned brought me to another point (but i didn't want to digress from my blog) is that why do newscasters insist on butchering other culture's pronounciation. We can't even say Iran like how the natives would say it, which is phonetically ee-run, not eye-ran.

I must admit I had difficulty getting a hang of "craig" when I first got here.

Jeremy: Honey, TV people aren't paid to be accurate. They're there to smile and look pretty.

Ray: You don't want to know how people mispronounce my last name ...

Me: Oooh. That name just opens lots of doors for taunts and abuse. Sorry...

Bob: Michelle's surname is Ten, yes Michelle TEN.

But from civil servants to disneyland staff, they insist of spelling it as TAN. Well, AS IF we did not KNOW how to spell our OWN names!!!

When we talk to telephone operators, some even say "are you sure?"...gosh!

Since we are on this topic, how do you pronounce Bevan?

Me: That's an interesting twist to my situation. I must admit I would do a doubletake as well. Check this out, my Singapore friend's surname is E, just E. Talk about the possibilities of being second-guessed everywhere they go.

Jeremy: I've heard it pronounced two ways: one way rhymes with "Kevin", the other is bev-AN, with the accent on the second syllable (but that's the British pronunciation--only time I've heard it that way was when I was learning about the British Labour party at University and Aneurin Bevan, founder of the NHS).

Me: Jeremy, you are so highly cultured. You're right on the latter.

When authority fails to be role model

The lonely hours of unemployment, short of the commitment to work out, housework, dinner preparation and spurts of self-improvement on various hobbies, can lead one to rely on daytime television on occasions.

No, I don't indulge in Dr. Phil, soaps, Lifetime movies. I haven't sunk that low.

Rather, my sense of adventure led me to Bravo's "Party Party." I think it is their version of Sweet Sixteen, the little glimpse of which left me to deduce that it's an exploration of spoilt, rich brats squandering their parents' money on their graduation party? Like I said, it was a glimpse.

I watched only one episode of it the other day. It showcased two families whose daughters were graduating from high school, and how they planned to throw the most fabulous party, like, ever.

What prompted me to write this blog is my ever increasing amazement at the parents, as observed in this show, and various youth-oriented networks.

This one mother encouraged her underage child to drink secretly, and protected her and her friends when the police showed up. In her drunkeness, she slapped her young son across his face because he didn't resign to his room as told, and later carried on an argument with her husband before the children. All the while whining that he wasn't "on her side."

I'm not a parent yet. But I like to think that I'm putting serious thought in child-rearing before I have my own. I don't believe in making your child your friend. I believe strongly in not sparing the rod. I believe in spanking, but not in anger. I believe in being able to dictate what my child wears to school and in picking out the clothes. I don't think the child should hold on to gift money, when it should be deposited in a savings account.

I fear the day when I flip on the television and see my offsprings prostituting themselves in some R-rated Cancun expose. I hate to think that they would resort to reality TV as the means to a livelihood, like those oversexed, constantly drunk twentysomethings Real Worlders and Road Rulers.

I understand that these perceptions are shaped by what the entertainment industry provided. But something has gone wrong somewhere in their upbringing. And I wonder what.

Be nice to us cos ...

We almost met our makers today.

We were taking a leisurely drive after lunch along the boondocks outside downtown. I, the driver, was approaching the green light. And as I neared the crossing line, two cars from the adjacent streets to my right started to cross, too. One red truck was on the right turn lane. Its driver did a rolling stop and made a sharp right. Meanwhile, another car, which had obviously been idling in the middle lane the whole time during the red light prior my approach, decided to make a run for it.

What transpired next was truly surreal.

I was driving at regular speed toward the car from the middle lane. In a spilt second, I was zig-zagging and steering as hard to the left as possible, while at the same time, keeping my eye on the side of the other car.

The nose of my car was so close to the driver's side of that car I thought I was going to pin M against it. I couldn't remember if we were silent or cussing the whole time the scene unfolded.

I thought I recall that car seemed to slow down or even pause as I was steering to the hard left.

When our cars were parallel to each other, it zoomed off. I didn't feel the contact between the vehicles.

But we pulled into a gas station.

Can you believe we, pasengers and car, escaped unscathed?

Although it would be nice if our car got hit cuz we needed a little detailing work on the back passenger door when I scratched it against a bank drive-through post.