Good service = good tips. Simple.

once a week.

That particular day, we waited forever and after numerous requests for refills of water, and we didn't get it. We were sweltering in the restaurant, which didn't help. The other table that consists of a bunch of Asians instead got their refills, and they came later than us.

In disgust, M tipped 80cents. That's right. It's less than 10%. He even said he was going to write them to complain of their horrible basic service.

Before he could do that, the hostess came up to him and asked if he really gave 80 cents and why. He was taken aback for being called on it. It's never happened to us before. The three of us spoke up in unison about the deplorable attention. And she had the gall to say that the waiters don't get paid but from the tips and 80 cents is hardly anything to go by. So we are the bad guys now.

I applaud M for doing what he did. Furthermore, I'm usually the pickier customer than he is. On most bad occasions, he at least tip 10%, to my chagrin. Yes, Ling is always out to teach others a lesson, isn't she? I'm usually the bastard, there, I said it.

Anyway, tips are not mandatory and the amount is and should be a reflection of how well the service is tendered. Hopefully, this episode will shed some light to the wait staff that they should not assume they'll be paid regardless of quality of service.

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Christina: AMEN! You guys were in the right, and the hostess had really bad taste to act like you were the bad guy, and NOT APOLOGIZE for her server's bad performance.

I have tipped much less than 10 or 15 percent on many occasions when bad service was given. I have several times NOT left a tip at all when the service was particularly lacking. On one of these occasions, it was at a popular local restaurant here in Columbia. The waitress had a horrible attitude to begin with, not even making eye contact with anyone at the table after keeping us waiting for about 10 minutes while she chatted with friends at a nearby table She did not bring water, condiments, or other items when asked, got the orders wrong, and again copped an attitude when asked to take the incorrect food back to the kitchen. At the end, we asked another passing waitperson if we could see the manager. He arrived, and our party of three informed him, very nicely, why his waitress was not being given a tip. Instead of making us feel like the bad guys, instead he THANKED us for informing him of the situation, said he needed to know from customers when bad service was given, and gave us a discount on the meal.

As you said, tipping is NOT mandatory. You get tipped as your service merits. Hopefully this waitperson learned a lesson from this incident! What ever happened to the customer is always right???!!!

One More Won't Hurt

As I got older and wiser, I realized the saying "It's better to have few friends than many acquaintances" carry lots of credo. And as I moved from state to state in the last decade, the chances of making friends get slimmer as I get older. Especially with people who have been in the place forever and simply have no room for you in their cliques.

So, anytime I meet someone new, I simply don't harbor any expectations that I can get a friendship out of him/her.

Then myspace came along, and all sorts of people start becoming your friends, some for better, and others not. At least I have the option of dropping them before they drop me, right? hahahaha.

So it is through myspace that I found a few good people. One is G, whom I met in Singapore shortly after our correspondence. And G told me about her best bud K who is happily married in the States. When I returned from my vacation, I thought I would get to know K via the net. K turned out to be everything that G told me about - funny, genuine, and sincere. So K and I talked on the phone for about a year, both of us knowing that I may not visit her in Tennessee, and no way is she coming to Lubbock (where I was living then). And that's OK with me, cuz we figured at some time, we'll hook up with G in New York where G is, and it's win-win-win for all.

Then, before we know it, we're meeting in Chicago. It's silly to confess this but meeting and making new friends in person suddenly brings to mind a blind date! The drive to downtown Chicago was a little nerve-wracking for me. I mean, I meeting this "friend" and her husband. The ratio, first of all, is off. And then, what if I turned out to be a dud to them. Conversing on phone is way easier. There's always an easy exit if the phone conversation hangs on dead air - "oh, I gotta go grocery shopping!" Of course, K laughs it off when I expressed my concern.

And this is one of 2 get-togethers we're having while they're in Chicago. Mark is unable to make dinner in the middle of the week, and we made plans for another dinner date on Friday. And they had kindly extended their stay to accomodate us!

So there brings another concern, right? What if the husbands are socially awkward around each other? I mean, that's always the problems with couples, isn't it? Rarely can a couple find another couple that they want to hang out with. One half of the other couple seems to possess some idiosyncracy that most surely guarantee there won't be a "next time." Thankfully, our husbands turned out to be quite chatty, more so than us girls!

In this rare case, one or two more friends certainly doesn't hurt. Now I just wish all my friends are closer in distance to me.

The unsuspecting ang-mohs with their "SPG"s

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Jeremy: Awww :) I'd love to come visit sometime.

Patrick: Man, do I ever know about that whole hardening of cliques thing. That was easily the most brutal part about being single in Augusta. But you know, my father likes to say that we don't get older, we just get more so. So if you're interested in making new friends when you're young, it stands to reason you'll be open to new people when you're an adult, and hopefully find others who are open too. Kudos for reaching out!

Christina: I'm proud of you for reaching out, like Jeremy said! This is a great picture and it does prove the virtues of things like Myspace when you can make and meet new friends even over long distances! Glad to hear this worked out...like you however I wish you guys were closer and that all the good people I know weren't spread so far out around the country!

Bob: Wonderful! It is tough moving around so much, uprooting and all, nice pic, I'm sure u guys had a wonderful time!

Karen: the unsuspecting new friend :) ...here i am! told you not to be nervous lol!

you're absolutely right about the distance however... sucks huh?! but at least we're moving away to (hopefully) a more exciting place then memphis lol. it can't get much worst, can it!? lol! ...and you guys can come visit. plus we certainly will be back in chicago so you'll be seeing us soooon!

I can't believe it happened to us

We attended a pay per view UFC at a nice bar the other day. It was the much anticipated fight between Liddell and Rampage. Anyway, when we left the bar around midnight, we ran into a bunch of youths and smokers at the parking lot who told us that we missed the real fight outside the bar. OK, whatever.

On the way home, Mark noticed that our driver side rearview mirror had been moved. And of course, we were worried that the mirror was broken by some drunk at the bar and there were scratches on the mirror. None of that. Whew!

So all was well until we headed over to our friends' house on Sunday to meet up for a downtown Chicago romp. Returning from Chicago in their car, Mark asked me if I had noticed an indentation on the back passenger door. OMG, the four of us ran over to our parked car and we saw this huge, deep, verticle dent all along the door. And we knew it. We had been the innocent victim of some raging testosteroned fellas outside the bar the night before. Someone must've slammed the other fella into the side of our car.

Most of us have been victims to dings from supermarket carts and scratches from botched parallel parking. But to be on the receiving end of some brainless, irresponsible beefcake parking lot fights really takes the cake for me. The worst part is there's not a single responsible witness who bothered to report the act and take names. That truly chaps my ass.

Anyway, the update on the car. The heat today has popped the dent out a lot, much to our delight, and there's still a fist-sized dent along the ridge of the car. We are hoping that we don't have to break into our insurance to take care of that. Maybe the summer heat will take care of that last remaining dent.

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Bob: Sorry to hear about that. But your car could have been an accessory to murder! ha ha ha.

Jeremy: What the hell? I hope you find those dudes and chop their nuts off.

Christina: I am SO SORRY to hear about this. I got my car keyed one time outside a bar but nothing like a huge body-caused dent! Hopefully the heat will pop it out. If not, there are ways a good body shop guy or mechanic can pop out dents using some special tools they have.

Melissa: I'm so sorry it's taken me forever (and a day!) to respond to this!! But, ARGH!!! That makes me so mad for you! I want to say I can't believe people could be so irresponsible, but... I'm starting to find out that a lot of people out there really are. *sigh* And then when you throw alcohol into the mix, they become dumber than belly button lint. What's worse, I doubt those guys even remember throwing punches around your car. They're probably blissfully unaware that they were dumb-farts. I'm sorry!!! I hope the dent continues to pop out! Keep us posted!

It is not the first time I ran into foreign-speaking serviceworkers. And I certainly am guilty of lapsing into my Mandarin with friends when I want to keep my casual conversations exclusive to my select audience.

But this morning, the reality finally hits me that it is extremely disrespectful when you are working in a country whose primary language is English, you don't speak English. Likewise, if I were in China, I would expect my serviceworkes to speak Mandarin to one another; or Singapore, Singlish (yes, my American friends, we concocted a slang in Singapore called the Singlish. It's really a hoot to be engaging in that with my Singapore expats and family.)

I was in Micky Ds getting its run-and-go breakfast and as I waited, the cashier was speaking Spanish to her trainee and via the microphone on separate occasions. Suddenly, I felt like I was in a strange land. Transported even. And I began to panic at the prospect of future America, where Spanish becomes the primary language, what with all the mass migration (legal and illegal) and the mentality that we all better start learning Spanish to compete with the economy. Of course, I am also miffed at the influx of ATMs and touch-tone operations providing Spanish as an option.

Can you imagine countries in Europe and Asia expecting their citizens to learn a particular foreign language just because their land is slowly being populated by a different racial group? France by Algerians, Canada by Asians, Singapore by migrant workers from all over the world.

Now, I am all for learning different languages. There certainly is merit in that - Singaporeans know that from birth since we have been living in diversity, not adversity, all our lives. But in no way, did we ever thought of ceding our primary language, which is English, to another language just because there are increasingly more of them in our country now. In fact, you can expect diversity in our signage, public announcements, and commercials to cater to the primary racial groups.

Here, in the States, when you call an automated line, read a brochure (save manuals), or go to the ATM, you gotta to wonder where is the Vietnamese, the Korean, the Mandarin, the Tamil. Afterall, where I am now, in Chicagoland, there are a fair share of these other races' services.

I am annoyed at the liberties we are giving the Hispanics who refuse to abide by the standards of the country they are residing in. Worse yet, I am no in position to change the system.
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Patrick: Here in New York, there are entire areas of the city (and even pockets of the suburbs) where English is the second language. It's disorienting as hell when you're there (I know, I had to write a profile of the Latino-heavy Jackson Heights), but I've never thought of it as being disrespectful. If you want to succeed in business beyond your little ethnic pocket, you have to speak English, period. If not, that's your perogative too. As for the liberties we "give" to Hispanics via automated lines and such, I'm sorry, but you're out numbered. Latinos are now a bigger minority than even blacks, and there's strength in numbers.

I wouldn't worry about Spanish ever becoming the primary language of the U.S. English is the language of business all around the world, and as we all know, money talks.

Bob: Maybe Singapore NOW isn't Singapore that you knew then. Singapore is now a country full of migrant workers who earn more than locals. Foreign talent as they are called here are given first class privilege wherever they go in Singapore.

Road signs, MRT signs are now in Chinese and Tamil, to cater to the Chinese and Indians here.

Foreign talents are given jobs ahead of Singaporeans and no effort is spared in making Singaporeans KNOW their place in Singapore.

Retailers give Foreign talents (not the ang moh only now), first class service, because most service workers are foreigners anyway. They disdain serving locals.

Gone are the days where indian and chinese immigrants are cleaners, construction workers and prostitutes.

Now 60, 70 year olds clean up after foreigners and locals.

Indian and Chinese migrants are now programmers, bankers, economists, accountants, lawyers, doctors, engineers...etc.

A 26 year old local gets paid maybe $3,000 because he has only 2 years of working experience as he serves his country for 2 years. A similar foreigner would be earning at least DOUBLE that.

Most of the new private condominiums in Singapore are bought by foreigners.

Landed property previously exclusive to locals are now available to be bought by foreigners too.

Also, Singapore's first language is MALAY.

Locals here speak dialect. Mandarin is an official chinese language.

English is / was NEVER the primary language.

As foreigners find it hard to communicate with locals, they substitute locals at their work place with their own countrymen. This will eradicate the problem of mis-communication.

English spoken by an Indian national is different in accent and in "presentation". It is easy to mis-interprete an Indian's words.

I also disagree that English is the language of business and therefore English will "rule".

In China, if you can't speak Chinese, you can forget about doing business in China.

English is the main medium for communication especially on the internet, that I do agree. But we have to understand that as businessmen, language is an easy barrier to overcome.

Singapore has lost its edge in the international business world, because, English is no longer a "premium" language spoken by yellow coloured people.

Singaporeans are now regarded as pariahs. Because they are neither fluent in English nor in Mandarin. Singaporeans are also lacking in knowing the culture of the west and east. No matter how well versed one is in Chinese studies and English literature and history, there is nothing more important than in-depth knowledge of a culture.

Singaporeans are spiritless and cultureless beings created by the government to be drones working in factories, to be never heard and be counted. Thus, Singapore is paying the price for it.

For my take on the American situation, it is just a simple business decision to tap on the "spanish" dollar. There is nothing sinister or unnerving about it.

Me: I disagree English WAS never the primary language. Granted, there's been a lot of Mandarin and Hokkien spoken alongside but at least in school, English and second languages are stressed. And you always can find someone who's able to speak English, no matter how mangled. But you've eben lviing there all your life and is better versed in the current state than I am. And is the condition really that depressing and second-class to our natives? You gotta wonder if the government has given up on reeling back the braindrain they were so afraid of.

Bob: Brain drain is NO LONGER an issue in Singapore. Yearly, they grant citizenships (thousands of them) and hundred of thousands of PR (Permanent residents). Do not believe me?

Singapore's population today is about 4.5M, only 2-3M are locals. What the government does now is to merge the PR and Citizens stats together to mask any "problem" areas like unemployment, wage levels...etc.

Our government is efficient and has countered lack of new babies and brain drain by importing "talents" from abroad.

Recent survey shows that foreigners will never give up their citizenships for a Singapore pink IC. That goes for the Chinese, Indians, Malaysians...etc. But they will continue to "milk" Singapore for what it is worth.

Our government now consist of numerous "foreign talents".

In fact in parliament, we have a couple of ex-Malaysian, ex-Indoneisan MPs and one NMP who is I believe Indian. Our policies have therefore NOT strangely been skewed towards making foreign talents "special" in Singapore.

Like I said, Mark would NOT have ANY problems getting a top job in Singapore.

This is the toned down version as it is a national day speech.

You can read more here: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/s2006/english5.htm

But you get the whole picture.

Random acts of sweetness to little ole me

It's such a great feeling to be thought of by a friend, out of the blue to boot!

Yesterday, I finally got to an e-mail from K if I had received a package from her. When I got home, I found it tucked between the front doors.

It was no mere packet but a big USPS box and it felt heavy.

She had sent me some Chinese medicine I had requested a while back and added a few surprises like snacks and a housewarming gift. The most interesting thing is, we haven't even met! Maybe I should keep it that way.

Now, I have to admit I felt really touched and special and I loveeeee surprises and presents! It's been a while since any friend had randomly thought of getting me a gift. Geez, I can't remember the last time I got a birthday card from a bunch of folks, except from C, who always sends me cards and when I visit, pack me some nice SEAsian desserts for the road. And there's John Sinclair, who will rise to the occasion of making me mixed CDs for the long road trips the 2 times I relocated since knowing him.
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Jeremy: Aww. That's awesome. Hope you're doing well.

Thanks, guys, for the reminder that I am special to you. I can't wait to start gifting to you. Afterall, I love shopping.

Remember the sock monkey?

It's really a dumb toy to me until I chanced upon it during my visit to Rockford today.

I tagged along with M and his colleague who are on a business trip to the Register Star. Having a few hours to kill, I drove around the downtown, which is in the midst of revitalization (read, empty shopfronts and a few hip restaurants), and chanced upon the visitors' center. I found some typical tourist brochures and found a tourist spot that looked interesting. The Tinker Swiss Cottage. Sounds delightful, doesn't it? It is. .

For a mere $5, I was treated to a personalized tour by a very capable docent. While I was signing the guest book, I caught sight of the sock monkey and thought it was peculiar. Does it have a Swiss connection? Then I looked around the shop/reception, and realized a few other country-like knick knacks, and I thought it was just part of the country craft souvenirs.

As we started the tour, the docent pointed to a row of factory next to the cottage - the Nelson Knitting Company. It is here in that factory that some ladies created the sock monkey. How freaky cool is that? I was told that these days, the sock monkey cannot be bought as a whole toy unless a bunch of ladies, mostly from churches or retirement homes, decide to make them. But if you feel nostalgic for one, here's where you can get them. And did you know why the ladies at the knitting factory create the monkey? Here's a trivia: they thought the red heel looked like a mouth!

The tour of the Tinker Swiss Cottage is nothing short of remarkable. But this really is not the blog for it. If you are an interior design and architecture buff, you'd be be blown away by the history, and the detail to attention. The trompe l'oeil restoration is a sight to behold.

Rockford is a river town, and is not a town to brag about. But in these few short hours, I had the chance to see the cottage, and also the art museum. Now, I am not an art aficionado and certainly cannot dissect art. I was drawn to it by the lightpost banners promoting His and Hers, a pair of Sweden glass artists' exhibitions. Glass, that is a medium I am a sucker for. When I got there, this unemployed patron was thrilled to find that it's free day at the museum!

The sandblasted glass work by him was surreal but well executed. Lots of phallic imagery. Not my cup of tea. Hers was more user- and homeowner-friendly, but still quite suggestive. Why are artists so tortured sexually?

Sidenote: there was a artisan chocolate store near the paper. I peeked in and was given a detailed description of each truffle. Interesting combination but each little 2-inch square of truffle is $2.50! That's half the admission of the cottage tour. No thank you! I'm no sucker!

The Value of a Symbol

A few days ago, I discovered my wedding band and ring were missing from my finger. I had never placed the importance of monetary value on this symbol of marriage when we purchased and chose them. But it always feels comforting to see the diamonds throw their sparkle when the light catches them.

With them absent from my finger, I suddenly realize the relative lightness on my hand and most of all, the emptiness in my heart.

These rings come to represent the iconic status of being a wife, a bride, to my beloved. While the physical aspect of it can be replaced, the brief (almost 3 years) history of it can't buy a new set. Am I succumbing to the diamond marketing industry of "a diamond is forever"? I should hope not.

I realized, too, that the anger I felt toward myself was due to the apparent carelessness and thoughtlessness I have towards them. I may have taken them off to wash the dishes, or my hair, or to prevent the bands from being scuffed during the laborious unpacking of boxes. But why didn't I show more care as to where I put them?

After a day of searching and backtracking, I had to let go. While M was convinced they were somewhere in the house and that they'll show up at some point, I was exhausted by my action.

The next day, refreshed by a night's sleep, I woke up to begin a new round of tearing the place down ... right after I have that cup of coffee. And there they were,two little circles sitting on the kitchen counter next to the sink. How they turned up, I've no idea.

I've come to yet another hard-learned lesson of being aware of my actions, my mind, and my environment. A little less rushing through life will be a good start.

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Christina: This is such a good blog...so full of meaning and so true! I have done this several times with the rose gold ring I wear on my right hand which was my Scottish great-grandmother's wedding ring. I feel exactly like you did when this ring is off my hand and I always kick myself when I realize how careless I can be with this real tangible symbol of my family and ancestors! Your sentiments about what your ring means to you were also beautiful. I'm glad you found it again!

Me: I don't think I ever told you how I remembered you thumbing your rings. Now I do the same thing. On a similar vein, I lost a gold bracelet my mom gave me when I was in college. And I still feel guilty about it.

Patrick: I hear ya! I hate it when I misplace my wedding ri...Oh wait, that's right. No one loves me like they love you! Cool story. Hold onto those sentiments.