I can't handle my fame

The subject line is in jest, but it doesn't stray from the point that I have friends who constantly wants to do stuff with me. And I don't know how to turn them down. When I do, I feel rotten.

I made a friend here about a year ago, and she's the most caring, sweetest gal. Her husband is wonderful and we as a couple get along well. It's difficult to find another couple whose significant other you like. So I cherish them, and once in a while, involve them in our weekend or late-week activities.

That said, she has a habit of constantly wanting us to join them at meals, weekends (we don't agree on most of the food. Let's just say I'm a bit more discerning or picky, go to their home etc. And she's constantly instant messaging me on the most mundane goings-on in her day.

We. I, need alone time to ourselves. I've turned down enough invitations that I feel I'm giving her the cold shoulder. But I'm not. I just can't afford to spend on eating out constantly. And they don't cook, so they eat out a lot (hence, happy hour).

Sometimes, I just want to be with Mark and be alone. Sigh.

I'm sure you have had similar situations. How did you handle it?

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Bob: Basically, she is under your "when I have time" friend.

I am typically very honest about my priorities, so I do not pretend like I even like to entertain. Most of my friends know that I hate to go out and spend "useless" hours chatting about "mundane" stuff.

Most of my entertainment has an agenda attached, either for biz or some child's birthday. The rest I just turn down.

AND SOON THEY STOP ASKING!!! ha ha...yeah, I feel out of the loop sometimes, but hey, better than miscommunication right?

I am not a popular guy, but at least my friends know when THEY CALL ME, they will get the help they need!

It is funny, becos my friends call me when their wife is delivering, their child's sick, they need school advice, they need biz advice...BUT NOT when they have parties going on. Jeez...but I prefer it this way!

I hope your friend understand the "real" you. I've known you since I don't know when, so I guess I know that you are not exactly the "entertaining" sort and needs to put in an effort to be around friends and relatives. Sometimes, you just have to show your "true" self.

Me: I don't want her to stop asking, I just want her to stop asking every few days, every week....

Karen: why should you feel bad!? and you said she is nice and asks nicely... and when someone asks, they expect either a yes or no... so you really don't need to explain yourself. just say you have plans already... easy as that. you don't need to explain what you're doing, with who are why she's not invited. sometimes, people just like to hang out at home with absolutely nothing to do, doesn't she know that?!

sms her mundane things you do lol! stuff like 'just laying here naked with mark and enjoying every second of it' - or 'gonna' go take a dump and thinking of you' hahahahaha! i'm sure she'll cut down her sms's to you lol! if she doesn't, i'll give you more awful suggestions :D

Me: Shit! She'll love the mundane stuff. She does that to me all the time. It's worse than twitter content!

Not a good idea!

As for explaining myself, cuz she will follow up with wanting to know specifically what I have in mind. I always truthfully tell her I'm tired. I am.

She has cabin fever, so she likes to go out. grrrrr

John: If you don't go out with these people you're a horrible person and everyone will know it.

Dan: First -- be honest with them. If you can't afford to go out, say so. If you two want to have a "you" night at home, say so. Don't start making weird excuses and then get caught up in a tangled little web.

Second -- keep including them in your plans. They obviously enjoy hanging around y'all as well, otherwise she wouldn't be texting you and calling all the time.

After that, just let it roll. They'll eventually figure out how you work and things will be fine. Or they won't, and minor drama will ensue, and you will hastily cut yourself away from it. Because you hate drama (and who doesn't?).

Me: OMG, I tell her that I can't afford ALL THE TIME!! She says that her husband wishes she's more like me, in the frugal sense. LOL.

Yeah, I've quit responding to the IMs. I told her that I don't pay for unlimited texting, and I'm already close to mid-way with her incoming ones and I'm less than 3 weeks away from my billing cycle!

I do include her in the plans, just not all of them.